Faithful Determination

Superstition plays into addiction. In an attempt to maintain control and be privy to some special insight I tend towards the supernatural rather than the natural. For example, a simple penny laying on the ground has, for some reason, presented itself to me as a road sign; I'm either on the right track (heads-up) or I need to change direction (tails-up). Furthermore, I feel disturbed by the notion that I'm going the wrong way, so I'll interact and sorta beg the cosmos to grant me hope by flipping the tails-up penny until a heads-up sign relieves me. I do this kind of thing a lot and it's emotionally taxing.

Last Saturday I flipped a tails-up penny about 6 times until I got a heads-up. Considering the potential of bad luck (especially at the skatepark) this sign could have been totally troubling, but I knew in my heart that eventually, through God, I'd find my way. So, instead of getting discouraged by the sign or disregarding the whole process as silly, I embrace the fact that yes I'm neurotic and yes I believe God will make everything better.

Taking the flipping episode as a sign, I continued to skate with a sense that success was going to be had, but only after a bunch of trials...and this was the exact case. In the end it was a day of firsts. I figured out how to jump into switch, which eventually looked easy but it took awhile to figure out. Then I conquered the alley-oop. When skating a wall, the natural move is to press down on the tail lifting the front trucks making a pivot possible. I've been doing this for years, but now I have the alley-oop as an option. Instead of turning on the back trucks you press down on the nose of the board and pivot on the front trucks. Way more stylish in my opinion. And the third first was an ollie over a laid down garbage can. This one took some time and while folks were losing hope (myself included as fatigue became a factor) I pressed on and eventually landed it. Not pretty, but success none the less.

In rehab we had a saying, "Let go, let God." This is great advice I think and in this world of confusion, it's nice to know that you don't have worry about straightening everything out. God has a plan and all we have to do is be ourselves. This idea brings comfort and sounds like something I can do...with far less trials than the garbage can ollie.

A few trials and a tribulation.




A shredder from Helena.


Ben making it look easy.